I had a boyfriend once whose mother, when she was charmed by his bad behavior, would roll her eyes and tell me how patient I was. But he was not my boyfriend for very long, because she was wrong. Patience is a virtue, but it’s not one of mine. I aspire to be more patient. I try to listen to the voice, hard to hear, the reminds you that a speeding ticket will make you even later. When you’re in a hurry is exactly when you need to slow down.
I graduated from college in a rush to figure out what I was going to do. At the time, I thought I was ancient. I was a molecular biology major, and working in a laboratory was my only marketable skill. I moved to Los Angeles for graduate school, where I argued with stubborn undergraduates about whether or not they had done the reading before class. I knew I wanted to be wealthy, but I was frustrated and restless. My skills weren’t enough to make more money, and the speed at which I was heading through grad school seemed glacial. I started to build an escort business, working every day. I got clients that paid the rent and made my life fun. But I still felt as though I was gunning the engine of a car that was in neutral. So I started to travel in my time off. And it helped…for a few years.
I’ve been an escort for several years now, while also always working at another job since grad school ended. When someone asks how long I’ve done this and I answer, there is sometimes a gasp. They can’t believe I could enjoy this for so long. I’m afraid to tell them that for some of us, this is not only a career for decades, but a calling. I’ve made mistakes, fumed about them for a while, and then righted my wrongs where possible. That’s the thing about errors: when you first make them. you realize they’re just what you need. I’ve overhauled, taking steps and fine-tuning my work, on some days being sure I was making it worse. Some days I longed to quit, but I’ve been in a rush long enough to know that the moment you’re weariest is when you need to double down and concentrate, or the thing you love and have worked so hard on will fall apart.
You can see, in some lives, the spot where the person got tired, bored, or rushed. And I’ve found myself there at times, desperate for change. I’ve known the moments would pass, and indeed they did, giving way to a better life year after year. It’s almost as though life is trying to teach me to stop trying to do a million things, and slow down and just enjoy one.